Sometimes I get distracted. Do you? This weekend my husband and I are headed south to see his family. I love going there. It’s in old nickel mining country, with rolling hills, lots of trees, crooked roads and space. And then we’re going to enjoy an ocean front room at the coast. I can’t wait! I love traveling, even when it’s to places I’ve been many times before.
As I was thinking about my weekend, and what to write for this blog, I thought back to a hard time for me a few years into this illness now called uveitis.
It was a hard stretch, and I was realizing that no matter what I did, how much I wanted this stupid thing to go away, it had me. I was stuck. By now, my girls were school age and we had decided to homeschool them. It was a cloudy stretch vision wise, emotionally it was depressing, and I just wanted to give up. I cried myself to sleep… a lot. I prayed for God to take it away… a lot. I just couldn’t understand it.
Did I mention I was tired? Being mad and sad and crying… a lot makes you pretty tired. Plus, sometimes I truly didn’t feel good either.
One of the things that was depressing me the most was that I couldn’t see my girls faces across the room. I couldn’t see their noses crinkle, or their eyes twinkle, or an ornery glare. And then I would start to wonder and worry about if I would be able to see them at their weddings and grandchildren, a time far into the future at that point. Somewhere in my puddle of sadness, it struck me that I wasn’t seeing them because I couldn’t see, I wasn’t seeing them because I wasn’t looking at them. Not enough. I was looking at me.
Sometimes having a disease that you want to go away can take over your life. It can be one giant distraction. And the things that your mourning aren’t even gone, they’re right there, and you’re missing them because you’re not looking.
As you spend time this weekend, hopefully with family and friends and people you love, look at them! Take it all in! You can always see if you’re looking, whether your vision is good or not.
Please…feel free to ask a question. Your comment or sharing a thought is also welcome.